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Last week, I got bored and went on a quest to search for a comedy series. I stumbled upon the Green Wing on Hulu. Green Wing is a British series (there goes an extra plus) whose plots centered around medical staffs and their relationships. Most scenes are filmed in a hospital; yet there is no medical storyline involved.

Green Wing.

I find this sitcom tremendously hilarious — it’s a light series that will pretty much crack you up from the beginning till the end. It is funny primarily because of the unusual, if not absurd, behavior of the characters. The only aspect that I dislike is the use of lazzi, which I eventually got used to.

Within several days, I finished watching all episodes in both season 1 and 2. I recommend you to watch Green Wing if you need a good laugh; residents in the United States could stream the entire first season via Hulu.

The Fail Whale.

If you twitter regularly, I am sure you have encountered the hallmark Fail Whale when Twitter is out of service. Also, if you microblog on Twitter, the following short clips are going to make sense to you:

I hope you LOL-ed.

Those posts in the Best of Craigslist never fail to crack me up! Let me share one of them with you, quoted directly from here.

London based entrepreneur, 41 is seeking a person of at least graduate calibre, highly motivated and with a strong desire to be successful in whatever they do, for a challenging position of long term partner/wife.

The successful candidate will have a proven track record of handling a wide variety of situations and challenges, good organisational skills, common sense and personal initiative while being able to teamwork. Excellent personal manner, creativity and artistic approach are important and for the right person the job will be a varied, exciting and challenging position.

Operating from the stylish premises in North London in a fun and supportive atmosphere, you’ll deal with high-priority tasks and use proactive methods in managing overall workload. Specific duties include, but not limited to:

• Creating and maintaining positive atmosphere in the immediate environment
• Coordinating meeting food/catering requests
• Anticipating and planing for upcoming needs
• Child bearing and upbringing
• Maintaining stylish looks of herself and the immediate surroundings

No ironing skills are required for this position.

The compensation is negotiable. This is a permanent position following a period of probation.

You’d need

• To be well-spoken, charming and outgoing
• Have interest in arts, sport and literature
• Be smart in appearance
• Be between 25 and 35 years of age

Sexual fluency is a plus but not crucial as training will be provided.

Please apply via email enclosing covering letter explaining why you think you are the right candidate. Please enclose full CV, some photographs and brief description of your expectations from this position.

This short talk is absolutely hilarious! Nonetheless, there is a little exercise involved throughout the speech – you ought to identify the unreasonable words or phrases and figure out what he would have said if he had proofread.

I received a text on my cell phone today. It reads

A feng shui master informs Abdullah Ahmad Badawi to beware of Tun Dr Mahathir because Mahathir stands for Must Always Hentam Abdullah Till He Is Removed.

I have been meeting up with my old high school buddies in Alor Star. Inevitably, we updated our friends on what we’re doing. Some said “one more semester towards graduation.” Some said “one more year.” Then, when a friend of mine told us that he has graduated, the person who sat next to him immediately corrected “No, he has been unemployed!”

Everyone chuckled at the quip. This witty equation makes sense nonetheless – being graduated = unemployment (畢業就是失業).

If you are a reader of “Dr OWL (in the making),” this should not be new to you. I thanked Wee Loon for sharing this little poem, and I decided to reproduce it here. If you have been keeping abreast with the political events in Malaysia as closely as I do, I am sure you will find every single line in this poem strong and powerful, like a needle making a baloon burst. Enjoy!

Oh man, I love this country
I called it the land of political absurdity
Full of ludicrousness amid stupidity
First in the pipeline is Mr. Badawi
The country’s 5th Perdana Menteri
Hailed from notable ulama’s family
In that spirit he created a new Islam Hadhari
The so-called modern Islam resembling Turkey
Some touted it as Islam Ada Hari
When the original Islam turned awry

He loves to travel in style like big celebrity
Making grand entrance in any opportunity
So he insisted a private jet paid by Treasury
He got it despite hullabaloo by bloggers community
He said the government didn’t purchase it out rightly
The government is leasing it from SPM, a GLC
For him, this is a good strategy
By doing that he thinks he can save money
Oh yeah, he thinks people believe his story

Perth seems to be his favorite city
Last December he opened Nasi Kandar Puteri
And then went on sailing trip with Todt of Ferrari
Back home worst flood hit Johor Kota Tinggi
17 died and 90000 evacuated in that tragedy
But yet, the jet setting PM was outside the country
He might use remote control key

Badawi has son-in-law by the name of Khairi
He married Badawi’s daughter Nori
Recently both blessed with the baby
That has longest name in the country
I can only remember the last name, Khairi
This young chap is Pemuda Umno deputy
Claimed to have “protection” from Mr. Badawi
Has a big wish to be PM by age of forty
So he is gathering support from Putera and Puteri
At the same time accumulated wealth aggressively
Through ECM Libra and some crony
Media was at his helm through NST
Now he has potent tools – money, media and machinery
And his father in law alias Perdana Menteri

Meanwhile Hisham is putting up a new strategy
His kris wielding attracts flak of Malay supremacy
It backfires especially to Chinese community
His reasoning draws conclusion that he is puny
Najib is not convince Hisham to be his deputy
Najib may consider a big mouth Nazri
Provided that Rosmah is okay to work with Nazri
You know why lah, Najib takut bini

We don’t have to elaborate the story
You have to come here to enjoy the absurdity
We have quite a few funny ministers and MP
Such as hilarious Work Minister Mr.Samy
Before Hindraf he represents Indian community
The longest serving minister that heads MIC
In press conference he got agitated quite easily
When Umno conference was held on Deepavali
He said no “open house” as sign of hostility
He twisted the decision maybe after talking to Indrani
This MIC leaders share similar trait and personality
The latest one was Cameron Highland MP Mr. Devamani
He has broken ranks with fellow BN MP
When he accused government not doing enough for Indian community
After meeting with BN Whip, he regretted and say sorry

Let me continue my story
Well, you probably have heard it already
About the biggest anti-government rally
Not exactly same scale as 98 Reformasi
On Nov 10 more than 40,000 flooded the city
To protest unfair election practice against EC
Dirty ruling party tactics are legendary
Short-notice on Election Day is customary
Just a day before Pak Lah was basking in glory
In annual affair of UMNO general assembly
Full of hypocrisy and puji-memuji
Pak Lah shouted it loud “don’t challenge me”
Despite threats and warning from Pak Lah and Khairy
People are defiant and take no heed from Badawi
They chanted God is Great, Daulat Tuanku and Reformasi
November is a month of illegal assembly
School holidays thus parents are quite free

The rally was given wide publicity
The rally was headlined in AlJazeera and BBC
Foreign media questioned our brand of democracy
Water cannon and tear gas were fired indiscriminately
Umno leaders are in denial state naturally
Such as Zam who head the Info Minsitry
Zam was trembling uncharacteristically
In an interview that becoming laughing stock in the country
Scrambling for words and chew out frantically
He can’t censor it as we are in digital technology
You can just Google or YouTube easily

Well that is one example of political absurdity
What do you expect from half past six menteri
Some are in complete ignorance and dreary
Some will resort to unthinkable publicity
Giving broom as reward never in history
Some will slaughter cows in parliament for kenduri
To celebrate the matrimony of our own Sleeping Beauty
Another stupid joke by backbencher MPs

You can’t find this in your country
A journalist like Michael Backman will agree
So many things to write for your Daily
No wonder he keeps coming here for juicy story
Malay tabloids prefer to write about ghost and celebrity
That’s saleable among ordinary
Maybe they got sick of constant spat by political party
They prefers to idolize people like Siti or Mawi
Do you think they care who is their MP？

It seems that children are not hard to deal with at times…

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, dude. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

A post filler. I saw this on Craig’s List.

What Happened to All the Nice Guys?

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now.

I am going to reproduce the transcript of the interview between the al-Jazeera and the Malaysia Information Minister Datuk Zainuddin Maidin that I saw at Kenny Sia’s blog. I strongly recommend you to play the video simultaneously for maximized entertaining purposes.

Minister: I commend yo-yo-your journalists trying to project… to exaggerate more than what actually happened. That-that-that-that’s it. We are not the-the and I-I congratulate your journalists behaving like an actor, that-that’s it…

Reporter: As you say that, sir, we’re watching scenes of protesters being sprayed by chemical-filled water!

Minister: YA! I am watching! I’m here! You’ve been trying… trying to do it this – to do this everywhere but in Malaysia people are allowed to, you know? We know our police head our colleague… Police have whatever allowed the procession to go to the Istana Negara, you know? Do police, first police, like, they handle them, they attack them, they… the police don’t, don’t, don’t fire anybody?

Reporter: Our correspondent came back to the office, sir, with chemicals in his eyes!

Minister:You-you-you-you are here with the idea, you are trying to project, what is your mind! You think that we Pakistan, we are Burma, we are Myanmar. Everything you-you are thinking! WE ARE DIFFERENT! We are totally different!

Reporter: Well unfortunately when you refuse to let people protest, it does appear so.

Minister: Ya ya we are not like you! You-you have earlier perception, you come here, you want to project us like undemocratic country. This a democratic country!

Reporter: So why can’t people protest then, if it’s a democratic country?

Minister: YES, PEOPLE PROTEST! People do-do… of course they protest. We are allowing them protest, and they have demonstrated. But we just trying to disperse them, and then later they-they-they don’t wanna disperse, but later our police compromise. They have compromised and allowed them to proceed to Istana Negara! Police, our police have succeeded in handling them gently, right? Why do you report that? You take the opposition, someone from opposition party you ask him to speak. You don’t take from the government, right?

Reporter: Why did you not break up these protests…

Minister: Pardon? Pardon? Pardon?

Reporter: Why did you not break up these protests more peacefully?

Minister: I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!

Reporter: Why did you not break up these protests more peacefully?

Minister: No we-we are! We… this protest is illegal! We don’t want..this… the… NORMALLY…

Reporter: OK, so let me return to my former question. Why is this protest illegal?

Minister: YA! It’s a illegal protest because we have the erection in Malaysia. It’s no-no point on having a protest! We are allowing to every erection… every five years never fail! We are not our like, like Myanmar, not like other country. And, and you are helping this. You Al-Jazeera also is helping this, this forces. The, you know, these forces who are not in passion, who don’t believe in democracy!

Reporter: Alright, many thanks for joining us.

Minister: I don’t, ya, you, Al-Jazeera, this is, is Al-Jazeera attitude. Right?

Isn’t his English just fantastic? If you analyze his speech, you will see that coherence does not exist at all!

For your information, this dude was awarded the Professional Journalism Fellowship by the University of Michigan 26 years ago (source).

To digress a little, Maidin emphasized that there is “no need to tell PM the truth” when he was interviewed by Malaysiakini.

Information Minister Zainuddin Maidin has told editors not to play up negative news because Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi’s pledge to “hear the truth” does not apply to the media.

Zainuddin said this during a one-hour meeting on Wednesday at the RTM headquarters in Kuala Lumpur with the country’s top editors.

The country’s information czar is one of two top government officials to hold meetings with the media top brass this week.

Yesterday, chief secretary to the government Mohd Sidek Hassan in another meeting urged media organisations to avoid emphasising on news deemed negative against the government, such as the 2006 Auditor-General’s report.

According to sources, Zainuddin began the meeting by declaring that he would frequently meet editors to advise them about national issues.

However, he stressed that he would only “advise and not give warnings”.

The information minister claimed that he assumed the new role under the instructions of Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi.

Zainuddin then explained that Abdullah’s often repeated pledges of “listening to the truth” were only restricted to government officials and Barisan Nasional leaders so as to assist the cabinet in making decisions.

Based on the account by a well-placed source, Zainuddin said Abdullah’s pledge did not mean that the media have the green light to practice unrestrained reporting because certain topics were considered highly sensitive.

Zainuddin added that the cabinet often scrutinises media reports and have noticed that at times, Abdullah’s statements have been misconstrued. However, the minister did not elaborate on this.

The information minister also ticked off two television stations, warning them to stay away from reporting with a racial slant as this could trigger another “May 13″ riots.

Lim noted that Maidin did not, at all, deny the veracity of this Malaysiakini report (source).

So what is truth? The truth is that the mainstream media carries no truth.

I love this sort of question!

Dear Hiring Manager,

Thank you for your letter of March 1. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite your company’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will assume the position in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Interviewee

I dropped by Borders this morning and saw Stephen Colbert’s (an American comedian) latest book I Am America (And So Can You!). When browsing through the text, I came across an interesting quote:

Agnostics are atheists with no balls.

Derogatory, yet succinctly put.

I was trying hard not to laugh out loud in the bookstore.

While we are switching from the public to private mode, allow me to share with you a nice depiction of mathematics – the math cliff.

I was laughing really hard at number 7 and 8 – the actual midair pedaling and the plummet. Sometimes I wonder which number does a PhD represent…

I absolutely love this video clip! Enjoy!

Elementary mathematics and physics background is assumed.

Young Ann, one of my Korean friends, sent me an e-mail containing a math joke that I find amusing. The joke, titled Strange Encounter, assumes some basic multivariable calculus background.

The functions on the real line were having a party when a differential operator attacked. The bravest function challenged the operator.

“Are you not afraid of losing yourself if I act on you?” the differential operator asked.

The brave function replied “You cannot harm me. I am exp(x).”

The operator grinned and said, “Yes I can. I am d/dy.”

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The use of abusive language in the quote does not portray the author’s way of speaking. The author shall not hold any responsibilities for any offended feelings that might incur in any way.

MyKad, according to TV Smith Dua Sen, is the “perpetually metamorphosing” Identity Card in Malaysia. The embedded smart chip in the MyKad serves as an electronic storage for important data such as IC number, driver’s license, and etc. However, Dua Sen forsees unfavorable scenarios where information might be abused or privacy may be intruded. Through his clever hypothetical conversation, he illustrates an experience that a Malaysian might have in the future, with the well-integrated wittiness that ensures zero boredom.

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Rumah Attap. May I have your…”

Customer: “Haloo, can I order..”

Operator : “Can I have your MyKad number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s eh…, hold on…… 6102049998-45-54610″

Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr Dhaljeet Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jalan Awan Hitam, off Jalan Ipoh. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?”

Operator : “We are connected to the MyKad system Sir”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”

Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”

Customer: “How come?”

Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator : “Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”

Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokkien Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?

Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is 99.99 Ringgit…”

Customer: “Can I pay by credit card?”

Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you’re owing your bank 6720.55 Ringgit since October last year”

Customer: “Mera Lund Choong…” [Translation]

Operator : “That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”

Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle…”

Customer: “Kuti!” [Translation]

Operator : “According to the details in your MyKad, you own a Comel Scooter, …registration number WOB 1123…”

Customer: “Tera peh thenoo picheyo kush karda hunda!” [Translation]

Operator : “Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman… ?”

Customer: [Speechless]

Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic……. “